I dedicate this blog to all my guy friends who consider themselves, nerdy, clueless, and overall stumped when it comes to women.
It's been a hot minute since the last time I wrote a blog (okay a god damn week!). I've been bogged down with mid-terms, so consider this my study break. If you are a guy reading my blog for the first time... you probably assume everything I write about is for women... WRONG!
Well, without insulting myself, my experience in the following social categories has given me an interesting range of inside knowledge:
a). DUFF - "Designated Ugly Fat Friend".. But actually... in some PUA circles.. I might be considered a "Fatty Tuna" or attractive chubby girl....now wait! Before you get your panties (or boxers) in a bunch, understand that I do not believe that for a second - but I've been through enough douche bags and Hollywood scene bars - to get this title thrown around a couple of times. - I usually see a RISE in the number of guys trying to hit on me at the end of the night or when my friends reject them. Which has allowed me keen insight on observing male desperation at its worst
b). The "Best Friend" - Most guys find it hard not to like me and make me one of their own.
c). "Wing Girl" - I've been helping my friends of both sexes get dates and get some since 1995...
d). The "Opener" - I have a knack for breaking down walls.
e). I dated a few Pick Up Artists and got to dabble at some of their workshops and seen them in action (Yes... that's right... I learned the tricks from the source)
f). I'm a Chick... I know what we want lol
Why am I doing this, what do I get out of it?
Really - I just like like to see people happy and as a marathon singleton, I understand the pain and frustration that often comes from a lack of knowledge, experience, and opportunity. My aim for you is to have a holistic (all encompassing) education on the subject of wooing.
***Women...Some of this may be good for you to pay attention to also... I will Asterisk it =)
So here are the rules to my classroom:
1. Be dedicated - I'm not accepting no half-ass shit here. If you are really serious about wanting to be a better lover, pick up artist, more interesting date, better boyfriend, blah blah or whatever your reason...then treat it like World Series "Texas Hold'em" ....All In
2. You will not use this advice or anything I say to intentionally harm or manipulate anybody. If I tell you something its to level the playing field.
3. Understand that like weight loss, this doesn't happen over night. You will need practice and a wagon full of gumption to get over your terrible habits - like being lazy.
4. Don't be a quitter.
5. Ask me questions, I can't give you proper advice if you don't open your damn mouth. I don't care how grody, nasty, embarrassing, private, silly, stupid, ridiculous, pathetic etc... that you think your question is, I might have somewhere to lead you.
6. If its on my assigned reading list... assume it is important and vital knowledge.
7. Be yourself . At the end of the day, nothing will get you further than this - but ... creative repackaging and branding never hurt anybody. Think same old comforting Oatmeal, snazzier box =)
8. Stop being a victim. Girls aren't out to screw you over, you just don't show that you value yourself and you just aren't making them work hard enough,.
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The first thing you need to know about "game" /seduction etc... is that it is an ART! Sure, some people are born with it and never need to resort to ridiculous things like reading blogs. Great sports players didn't start throwing 90mph pitches or scoring a million touchdowns from birth... it takes PRACTICE, especially if you are naturally clumsy and socially awkward.
You have a very unique advantage that women don't - looks don't matter all that much. Most women don't give a shit how you look (within reason), because status, ambition, and "interestingness" (I'll explain this later) get you further. With enough practice, you will be able to communicate these characteristics to females clearly and effectively without coming off as a cocky asshole.
In subsequent blogs I might adopt some abbreviations and terminology that is used by those that follow the PUA lifestyle (pick up artist). I'm choosing to use it so you can Google it at a later date and if you come across forums, you can more easily understand what is going on. I'll bold it and define it as I go along.
Lesson #1
1. What do women want more than anything?
The answer... whatever another woman has.
This means.. your attention, your time, your energy, your "good stuff", if the target (the girl you want) see's another woman in possession of any of these things... most of the time - it triggers a competitive response. Competition = attention = a spark (the spark can take many forms)=a designation of higher value of the "service" in question ... meaning .. YOU! Every girl likes to think she is special... once she knows she is special (without having really qualified herself)... its no longer fun. This goes against every piece of advice romance movies etc.. tell you. If you think giving that girl massages and free dinners is going to make her want you... you are soooooo wrong. This works with ANY WOMAN... your mother, your best gal pal, your girlfriend... it is an Achilles's heel.
* Your homework:
Test this out. Pick a girl in your life (preferably neutral / platonic) and make a list of all the special things and/or exceptions you do for her that she KNOWS are things that are "just for her." I don't care if its that "special movie" or something else.
Now... once you have that list, find a social opportunity where you can naturally mention you doing one or a number of those things with another female (real or made up). If you want to raise the stakes, do this in person with a friend or acquaintance of hers. For example... if Betty knows that she is the only one you call "babe" - call her friend "babe" nonchalantly in front of her. If your Grandma knows you never offer to clean the kitchen for her, offer to clean your Aunt's kitchen in front of her.
What you are looking for is a noticeable change in behavior. I'm telling you to do this with a platonic female, to demonstrate the point that even girls that are "neutralized" can get their attention grabbed by working on this one principle.
2. Everything you need to know about attraction, you learned in Kindergarten.
When we are children, we are at our most pure. Barriers and social boundaries aren't as ingrained - making children a perfect microcosm of what humans would be like if left purely to instinct and desire. Think about how boys and girls act on the playground. Teasing. YES! TEASING AND OPPOSITES! When you wanted little Suzie to chase you... you did what? Called her a big BOOGER FACE even though all you wanted was for her to pay attention to you. If you gave her a valentine - she didn't care... if you said she had cooties ...the chase was ON!
Your Homework:
* This is in two Parts
A). Go to a playground or elementary school, preferably kids between 5-10 - might be even better if you have access to younger cousins or a friend that works at a daycare or school. Watch them, listen, play, and take notes. It doesn't make you creepy - just pay attention to them - if its appropriate - play devil's advocate in getting some playful "boys vs girls" game playing going on. If people ask any questions, say you are taking a social psychology class.
B). The idea is to try this with a pretty girl that you don't know... but you can TRY it on a girl already in your social circle... it might not be as effective. Go out. Yes... go out as in social...not in your house...and not on the internet. Grow a pair of balls and go to a party, a bar, a concert, something... try it at your gym... on the subway.. whatever. Find a pretty or attractive girl, the kind that you find stupidly hot and that you would never have a chance with. I want you to do the following:
- Tell her hello, (Open her up by asking a question about what she is drinking, something about the venue, mistake her for someone you knew... I don't care... just DON'T offer to buy her a drink.. don't tell her someone noticed her... nothing... simple and non-chalant). Use your poker face and do not give her any sign that you are possibly attracted to her.
- Once you have her attention and she is socially receptive, say that you and your friends were having a debate on who is hotter.. Brunettes, Blondes, or Redheads... ask her opinion (most likely her answer will be whatever hair color she currently has).
- Whatever her answer is you like the opposite: You are going to make a disappointed face and say.. "Really, you think so? Personally, only ::insert whatever the opposite of her hair color is here:: do it for me, I never really cared for ::whatever her hair color is::"
- From here, I want you to notice her reaction. Did she roll her eyes and say "whatever" or did she make a "pouty face" and try to argue why her haircolor is better? (If she attempts to argue...this is a stage known as "qualifying" which I will explain later) If she starts to go into the "Well Brunettes / Blonds / Etc... are better", pause, pretend to think about it... shake your head with a playful .. "Nah" ... thank her for the conversation and walk away - don't turn around. Just go back to your business, you aren't aiming to get her number... you are simply doing research so the stakes don't really matter.
The goal is to keep this encounter under 5 minutes.
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Reasearch and Textbooks
Next - Your textbooks... yes... books. First rule of any war (because love is a war) is KNOW YOUR ENEMY ("target"). You have to learn how to think like them, know what makes them tick, know what makes them cry, what do they care about, what is their perception... their psychology. This portion will probably take the longest, but they are books that you should at least have working knowledge of and preferably read. If you know what girls are asking questions about... you can avoid being that question yourself.
Women are consumers of advice, we collect it, we savor it, we are wired to process millions of social cues and analytics that most men ignore. I don't care who the woman is... she has read or owned a self help book - or at least gleaned the advice columns of Cosmopolitan Magazine or Teen Mag etc..etc..etc.:
1. Relationship Advice Books
- "He's Just Not That Into You"
-written for women by a man... basically tells us why and when we should move on
http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288075344&sr=1-1
-"Be Honest: You're Just Not That Into Him Either"
http://www.amazon.com/Honest-Youre-Not-That-Into-Either/dp/0060834064/ref=pd_sim_b_3
-The argument for not settling for any old two-pump chump
- "Why Men Love Bitches"
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Love-Bitches-Relationship/dp/1580627560/ref=pd_sim_b_4
self-explanatory
-"Why Men Marry Bitches"
http://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Marry-Bitches-Winning/dp/074327637X/ref=pd_sim_b_1
* even more self-explanatory
-The Rules
http://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Time-tested-Secrets-Capturing/dp/0446618799/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288075107&sr=8-1
***Aka.. the de facto Manual on how to manipulate a guy into wanting you and the best summation of all the power plays that manipulative women play in a very easy to read format
2. Human Sexuality
- The Red Queen: Sex and The Evolution of Human Nature
http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0060556579/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288075590&sr=1-2
*Read this to know why and what you are working with biologically, from a modern perspective
- The Science of Sex Appeal by the Discovery Channel (Video)
http://www.amazon.com/Science-Sex-Appeal-Discovery-Channel/dp/B002UJIY7K/ref=sr_1_cc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288076828&sr=1-1-catcorr
* If you have Netflix you can watch this on your instant Queue...again, you need to have a HOLISTIC education... this fulfills the scientific portion - plus after you watch this... you might actually feel a little less pressure
- The COMPLETE Kama Sutra
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Kama-Sutra-Unabridged-Translation/dp/0892814926/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288075757&sr=1-3
*I'm not just talking about having sex and crazy positions. The Kama Sutra was an ancient Vedic text on the Art of Pleasure... its not about Tantra.. "holy Sex" or mind blowing orgasms...It actually contains some very wise and practical advice on how to be the best kind of lover, how to listen, how to conduct your self... the subtle ways that you can give pleasure.. If you can ignore some of the anachronisms... EVERY PERSON should be required to read and study this seriously. Call it sex etiquette... In English it translates into "Aphorisms on Love" ... you can get it at the library or read it on google books... If for anything...it gives you interesting shit to discuss.
- She Comes First: A Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288076445&sr=1-1
*This is a great...and very fun read. I discovered it on one of my plane trips home (the guy next to me was reading it on the plane and left it behind). Needless to say... It is a very easy to understand HOW TO Guide on how to give oral sex and engage in foreplay. The author used to suffer from Erectile Dysfunction...so he's been in that awkward place... he is also funny and the same author of "Be Honest, You're Just Not That Into Him Either" ... All I can say is that this guy knows what he is talking about... you can understand him - and there are diagrams if you get confused. Women should read this.. because its kind of like a User's guide to having a va-jay-jay.. You learn nifty stuff like... Did you know the clitoris has 18 parts!!!?
Pick Up Artist Stuff
**Yes... I have read these books...some things I've even found useful myself. I have seen them in action and alot of the techniques will work on different types of women. But take caution - I don't recommend absorbing everything. It works, but unless you take caution... you will end up looking like a douche bag (like the guys I went out with)... some of the methods are outright manipulative, but they level the playing field. They are on this list because the idea is to have a HOLISTIC view on "The Game" from all perspectives... female, science, and male.
-Rules of The Game
http://www.amazon.com/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/0061911690/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1288076918&sr=1-3
**This is the male equivalent and answer to "The Rules"
- The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists
http://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738/ref=pd_sim_b_1
- Anything by "Mystery" **if you look at Amazon's.. "See also", you will see his books.
- http://www.fastseduction.com/
**This is the evolution of the alt.fastseduction forum that launched the careers of the Above mentioned guys... in existence since 1994... this place is FREE!
That is all I am going to leave you with for now... please leave me comments or send me an email at
gorditainthecity@gmail.com
Let me know if you tried the homework... tell me how it went... send me any questions you have or topics you'd like me to sound off on... thanks =)
Nite, Nite,
Mo
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