Gordita In The City

Why the hell did I start this blog?

This blog is an offshoot of a few creative projects I started working on back in 2008,  A collection of short stories I hope to finish by 2012 and two plays.  As an avid consumer of female centered media, its hard not to notice the lack of characters that look or remotely resemble my demographic. I'm chubby, Latina, Middle-Class, and have ADHD (so does the rest of America).

Inherently, all blogs are narcissistic and self-serving.  Writing  a blog allows one to jump on a pedestal and say "I'm here, I count,I'm important, I need attention".  Not too long ago when AOL was still big, I was a very angry young lady who crawled all over the internet looking for answers to why I hated my body, felt disconnected from my cultural identity, and couldn't organize to save my life. Often times, the best advice I ever came across was found in a blog.   I want this to exist so that someone can find answers or at least camaraderie.  I'm pretty sure that there are dozens of Gorditas who are on the internet trying to find a place like I once was.  At the end of the day, this is for everybody. Doesn't matter if you are male, female, gay, straight, or skinny - we live in a world of universal truths, I just happen to look at those truths through the lens of a chubby Latina with ADHD...which makes things interesting.

Why I get irked.

Media commonly portrays Latina chicks in the following Stereotypes:

-"The Coconut" - Ashamed of their heritage or trying to fit in to America

- "The Dark Horse" also known as America Ferrara - Assimilated, smart, talented,she struggles against a crumbling ghetto with a non-supportive family that doesn't speak English, while trying to escape poverty and "the cycle" a la Freedom Riders and Dangerous Minds

- "Stiff as A Board Room" - If the character is successful (This is what happens when the dark horse grows up ) she is usually very skinny and fair skinned with Caucasian features. Often than not she is out of touch with her heritage or comes from an extremely affluent family with foreign investments

"The Racially Ambiguous Hot Pot" - Sexy, slightly mysterious, and if it is a Latina actress playing the role... she character is almost always  an Italian or Greek

If it's a fat girl she is usually:
-The Side-kick
-The Best friend with the Sarcastic Sense of Humor
-The Cock-block
-Desexualized
-A diamond in the rough

At some point, I've been some, but not all of those things.

Stereotypes exist for a reason. At some point, they are all based in reality,  but the question becomes who's reality? It isn't my reality.  I love shows like "Sex in the City" and "Ugly Betty"; however, I never see anyone on that screen that looks like me.  I'm neither affluent nor poor, I'm average but it doesn't mean that it isn't entertaining. My world is perfectly middle class with adventures navigating  East LA, talking to people at Taco Trucks, hustling for Gas Money, failed dates, clothes from Target, dropping out and making it without a white teacher's guidance,..etc, etc. I find that there is a beauty in the middle area that people don't like to explore because we are too afraid to be bored.  Reality doesn't sell, but it sure is interesting.

I want to give a voice to girls that think they are ugly because they are big or not perfect. I'm by no means 100% confident, but the things that fill this blog are a living record of my journey to understand and comprehend it all.

This blog will contain anecdotes, advice, mayhem, the barrio, uptown, dreams, wishes, food, relationships , fat-girl ranting, gordita-pride,  and every contradiction in-between.

Why the name "Gordita in The City" ? 

Some people might find it to be offensive or even self-deprecating; however, I'm the kind of person that likes to call a spade a spade. I'm a woman who lives in a major metropolitan city who happens to be Latina and plus-size, it's that simple.

In Spanish, the word "gordita" is an affectionate nickname that roughly translates to "little chubby girl". It's very culturally Latino to poke fun at the obvious, we insult each other all the time because it's snarky and light-hearted.  Look, it isn't easy being fat. I cry and bleed like everyone else and I'm not going to sit and pretend like I'm okay with people who choose to overlook my existence.  Is it sarcastic... yes TOTALLY, angry...probably, full of humor because I have dealt with a lot of my issues...most definitely.

The title is definitely a nod to the stereotype of an "upwardly mobile twenty-something single woman who is pursuing a career in art and entertainment while trying to discover herself in the big urban sprawl" kind of character that you typically find in Chick-flicks and female oriented literature. 

This is my Gangster Face

Once upon a time... After exactly 23 years of residing in sunny (East) Los Angeles, California, a young, stunning, and vivacious (did I mention amazingly fluffy) young woman decided that she was restless... and wanted to go to a far away place where nobody knew her name in order to fulfill some strange coming-of-age need within her soul for existential discovery and adventure.

For many years she felt like an outcast in Los Angeles because she was ....different. 

Back to reality... 

My life isn't a fairytale -but what it would say is that this short, thick, lil Mexi-Cu-Rican ended up in a strange land called Boston, Massachusetts ( to be specific, North Cambridge) in the summer of 2008.

Since then I have:

1. Discovered (to my horror) that street food in Boston sucks and there is a noted lack of satisfactory  Mexican food.

2. Transferred and graduated from my 1st choice school - Emerson College - the most LA-Like, semi-bourgeois, hipster-mecca school in Massachusetts to pursue my dreams of being a broke, manic-depressive, destitute playwright or a Teacher (Writing, Literature, Publishing Major)

3. Explored the desolate, bewildering, creepy, shell-shocking, and frightening experience of being a loud Hispanic gal from East LA  trying to date in subdued New England (with often comical results that I shall happily share).

4. Found people who looked like me (I definitely got Caribbean genes) - But I talked, dreamt, and ate like a homegrown Chicana from East LA - I desired a bit of the barrio and the bourgeois - and I got righteously angry, excited, confused, relieved, and vexed by my odd experiences. 

5. Traveled back and forth from LA to Boston, to find even more zany, interesting, and certainly unique facets of myself.

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My experience moving to Boston is a pivotal part of this blog.  It changed my life completely and it was a very hard decision.  I figured I'd share the journal entry I wrote on Myspace the day that I moved so you can get a glimpse into the thoughts that made this project a reality.  Actually, the words that I write there sum up everything that goes into this blog.

Sunday, July 27, 2008 - I’m  going to Boston.. Finally..

Current mood:  awake Hey everyone.. or which ever stupid losers ever bother to read this thing.  So .. if you haven’t heard.. which I don’t think everyone has.. I’m moving to Boston.. for good… well at least for good till I finish school or till I figure out this so called thing called life. I’m pretty excited. I suppose.. I like the idea.. I’m just kind of freaked out because its a big change. I’m leaving so much behind and for a good cause. Its pretty exciting and doesnt really feel that real yet. I guess when it does feel real.. i’ll choke and say.. “Mo… wtf did you do!” or I will look and say “” You did it you crazy bitch!” .. I wanna say thanks to some special people… Some that have stuck around and mattered for their little things… Thanks Sarita and Wendy,… for writing down our pact and for just being your selves. Thanks Jen.. for being that neutral voice that I seem to so desperately need nowadays… I love you much.. Thanks Valien for being your crazy self…and making my ass move. Thanks Christina for being my single road dog for the past months and helping me move my shit..  to Sara and Christina again for being my cuddle buddies.. Thanks to Valerie.. and Family.. You guys are always in my heart.. even When I don’t see you.. to Lizz my sis for just giving a damn despite not wanting me to go… Everyone else.. thanks.. for making Cali memorable.. to all the stupid dumb fucks that are on my shit list.. thanks.. you give me a reason to laugh.. to that one special one.. look at me now you dumb bitch! lol.. Actually… im just kinda nervous.. im moving to cambridge.. and I hope to get letters blah blah… heres the song of the moment “Boston” In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun… Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed, This world you must’ve crossed… you said… You don’t know me, you don’t even care, oh yeah, She said You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains… oh yeah, Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across An open field, When flowers gaze at you… they’re not the only ones who cry When they see you You said… You don’t know me, you don’t even care, oh yeah, She said You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains… oh yeah, She said I think I’ll go to Boston… I think I’ll start a new life, I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name, I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather, I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain… I think I’ll go to Boston, I think that I’m just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind… I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset, I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice… oh yeah, Boston… where no one knows my name… yeah Where no one knows my name… Where no one knows my name… Yeah Boston… Where no one knows my name.