The Zen of Gordita-Ism

Posted by Gordita In The City Wednesday, February 18, 2009 2 comments

So this week, I gave into pressure to be "healthier". I am going to the gym, and putting myself on a reduced eating plan to lose some of my "lonjas" and some pounds.

What I would like to talk about is the social state of "Gordita-Ism". You see there are two kinds of fat girls. There are FAT girls and then there are "Gorditas"... Fat girls hate their bodies ,refuse to live their lives, and are at the mercy of their skinnier counterparts; meanwhile, gorditas can see the cute side of things and morph their reality into what "they" want to make it. Its all about attitude.

As a self-professed Gordita, I say that I want to lose weight because I want to feel better. Its not because I need to please anyone else other than myself.

However, I do believe there are some limits on this. Although I believe that all women should be at peace with their bodies, I'm not so jaded on "Fat Acceptance" to ignore the difference between natural and obscene.

For instance, I was 125 pounds and fully developed by 11 years old. I was just a thick, big girl, big boned, built like a line backer. That was BEFORE puberty... so realistically, i'm never going to be a size 2, I was a size 2 when I was 8. Healthy for me is somewhere between 135 and 165. I have tons of muscle on my frame so I'm given some leeway to be heavier.

To be 400 pounds and nearly immobile is inexcusable unless you have some serious biological / psychological issues. All women are beautiful, yes. However, grossly ignoring your health is inexcusable and as ugly as the girl who lets herself dwindle to 80 pounds due to anorexia.

I hate to even put it like that, its not exactly like I "caved" I just decided that hearing my knee crunch from Chondromalacia Patella was getting a bit unbearable. To illustrate what this feels like, basically I walk up stairs and I get this disgusting "CRUNCH" and grating that is due to pitting etc in my cartilage. Also, I could be walking regularly, and all of a sudden, my knee will get a stabbing pain and I'm screwed for the rest of the day.

Chondromalacia is just fancy talk for "My knees are worn out". The number one thing that doctor's tell me to do is to lose weight. I can accept my larger form, but there are limits. My health is my limit. The moment it starts to affect that part of my quality of life its either me or my happy padding. I choose me.

Well, that is a touchy subject indeed. Nobody likes to hear that you need to "lose" something to be better. I mean, sure, I miss the days when I was a spritely size 13 at 145 pounds my sophomore year instead of my present size 18 and 200lbs. I think every woman finds that they yearn for that smaller size, but I stopped killing myself over it.

I look back at pictures of myself in my freshman year of high school and I remember how much I hated my body then! I would KILL to have that body back! Look at me now. I spent all those years hating what I had instead of appreciating it.

I will tell you why it sucks to be in my family. I am the only naturally big person in it. Period. End of discussion. (except for my aunt who is the same size as me ... but then again she is in her 60s and she was the same size as my mom and sisters at my age =( )

My two sisters consider themselves fat at like 120 pounds and a size 4/6 ??! Excuse me, wtf? My sis 'Frizz is literally the size of my thigh. Lol! The other one was pretty upset because she gained some weight after having 2 kids! My mom, at 5'7 thinks she is a fat ass at 140.... Here I was spending all my time envying their naturally thin bodies while hating the one that god gave me.

I've learned over the years to accept my body the way it is. I know a lot of girls, some even smaller than me, that are extremely self-conscious. We all see those girls.

They stand in front of the mirror, pinching a bit of belly fat that was gained because of something as natural and life changing as a baby, or because they live in a culture that encourages extra padding.

They go through great lengths to hide their flabby arms, concealing every inch of their skin. There are those girls that make sure they are telling every guy they date that she is "in the process" of losing weight, as if that will excuse the present state of affairs.

That's pretty fucking sad. I'm sorry, I'm not going to spend the best years of my life dressing in things I don't like, avoiding activities that I like to do. I have big arms, okay, I'll flex and show you my muscles.

Hell yes, I'm a size 18 and 200 pounds and guess what, I'm healthy, I have a better Resting Heart Rate and lower cholesterol than my size 6 "betters". You better believe that when this "gordita" goes to Saddle Ranch, she is the first one dancing on the bars with all the skinny twigs... and guess what... I'll get dollar bills before any of those waifs shaking their bony asses in their short skirts. I don't need stiletto heels to feel sexy. I'm just as comfy in my converse, jeans, and a casual t-shirt... or wearing some kind of "puta" shirt when I'm out with my girls.

There is a zen in accepting some of these things. Gordita, pleasantly plump, fluffy, whatever you want to call it. I embrace these curves. I look at my stretch marks and I can track the years of my growth like you can track the rings of a tree. I accept my soft form, even if I dwindle 4 sizes, I know I will still be soft. I don't want a "Hard-Body" with taut unnatural abs. I'll like voluptuous any day of the week. I'm not going to kill my pride, body, and soul to attain something that simply doesn't appeal to me... but I will strain to make sure that i'm healthy =)

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Welcome to the rantings and ravings of a twenty-something Latina who just happens to have ADHD , enjoys the luxuries of working class life in urbania, and believes strongly that women (and men) need to stop using body size as an excuse not to live their for being a minority.... well I like it spicy and mixed.

At this blog, I rep the West Coast ::insert gang sign here:: while moonlighting as an East Coaster.
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