Dating ....."Outside of the Taco"

Posted by Gordita In The City Wednesday, February 2, 2011 0 comments

Well, well... well - I promised a relationship post to someone so here it is .. Enjoy :)

I guess I'm technically back on the dating wagon. After all, it took Edison half a million failures to finally invent the light bulb.  I guess it means I get to make it through a few dozen duds to land a stud (ok...seriously bad pun ...blame the lack of sleep). I can't say I'm really looking for a relationship since I'm moving back to California sometime in the next year and I don't do too well with being very serious.

It's no huge secret that I'm a huge fan of online dating, yes I said it - I'm a fan dammit.  The way I see it, I'm so busy with school and life that sometimes I find logging into a computer much easier than mustering the energy and budget to stumble into a bar. However, with online dating comes an entirely different breed of male I'm not used to ... ethnically diverse and possibly emotionally available.  One can assume that if a guy is on a dating website and took the time to write an eloquent profile... he probably wants something kind of substantial.

The funny part is that I have mostly dated Hispanic guys or some form of half-breed bastardization of it.  Sure I have probably gone on a ton of one-time dates with white boys - but nothing really serious. I mean one could say S and B were technically white (they are my half and halfers) since they weren't very in tune with their heritage - but they were certainly embracing and welcoming of it since they are from LA. I have parents that would STRONGLY PREFER that I stay within my culture (or go white) and in a way that can sort of blow. Not that my family wouldn't acclimate themselves to whoever I bring home - but the idea of kids with curlier hair than mine kind of freaks out my mom and dad - and they can blame that on their parents.

I mean think of marriage (yes its a leap ... but think about the fact that I intend on hyphenating my name. This could be a mess that looks like the following:

Monique Alvarado-Johnson
Monique Alvarado-Ying
Monique Alvarado-Rangarajan
Monique Alvarado-Kostantinopoulos
Monique Alvarado-Asminov
Monique Alvarado-Al'Jaladin
Monique Alvarado-Sweitzer
Monique Alvarado-Ngobowegango e. I

 or simply... Monique Alvarado-Garcia

Personally, I'm open to all cultures and creeds... but its kind of scary to "date outside the taco" (or empanada). Culture is a huge part of my life and if I ever have kids... its going to be a huger part.  I mean, it rubs me the wrong way when I hear some guys say  - "Damn... what a nice mix you have".. like I'm some sort of exotic designer dog.  I want to be treated like a normal human being, but I feel with interracial / intercultural dating - there is always a level of fetishism and exoticism that takes placemean, how do you keep it from being awkward? At the very least, a valuable aspect I look for in a male is CULTURAL SENSITIVITY! I mean, I get it if the dude can't stomach chile, never spoke Spanish in his life, and has crappy dancing skills - that isn't what matters.  In the area of intercultural dating, cultural sensitivity is a must. 

On my end, I'm lucky that I'm a huge culture-ho since its an interest area of mine. In another life I must have been an anthropologist. If I were to date a Jewish guy - he wouldn't need to explain shabbats, high holidays, or kosher guidelines - I know them and could make a pretty mean matzoh ball soup; If it was an Asian guy...I have Chinese New Year traditions memorized and  hell I grew up in Alhambra, CA... enough said!; I like enough bluegrass and Americana to get me through to All-American country boys, I'm fascinated with Middle Eastern religion and traditions... I could seriously date the world (okay... that was pretty cocky of me to say). I would never subscribe to any idea of  "improving the race" or keeping it close ... just not in the family - but it does have a set of issues attached to it like all relationships do. I guess I know the problem wouldn't be me. Any guy who seriously wants to date me would have to be comfortable with some of the cultural values I hold and on top of that... at least ATTEMPT to interact. I have this funny vision of what I would like my life to be like. 

Sometime in 20??... in the future

Weekly family/friend gatherings that revolve around playing poker, loteria, watching sports games, making large amounts of Mexican/Cuban/Puerto Rican food while consuming obscene amounts of alcohol and good music. Traveling to said countries of origin and Spain.  I'm probably going to be that girl that blasts gangster rap, salsa, or Mexican corridos while cleaning the house and dancing. I enjoy loud company, Rum and good Tequila... I'm going to learn how to dance flamenco properly... and if I have kids... cultural activities will be a biggie and I will speak to them in Spanish so they can be bi-lingual. 

I know its kind of loaded... and maybe shallow - but that's a lifestyle choice that someone would have to fit into. I have a big extended family that means the world to me and are not going anywhere anytime soon.Sure they would be dating me.. but also partly my "family" since they are a huge part of my life.  I have complete faith that it can and does work. For instance, my best friend Yosemite Sara  is dating a wonderful guy who is Belizean.  Sure he's a bit dorky and you can't expect him to speak a lick of Spanish - but he is very supportive and very willing to be a part of whatever she throws at him.

Obviously this isn't a solely Latino dilemma.  Sometimes its culture, other times its religion.  Either way this xenophobia is enough to keep many people from accepting anything outside of their comfort zone.  So - I have 3 guys in my in box that are racially mixed or black.  I'm going to totally message them back and secretly pray that one of them is at least Dominican or Puerto Rican.  See, that's the funny thing about Hispanics - we come in all colors and races. I'm hoping for that - because I would dig the cultural connection. I mean, so what if my family would be shocked if I brought home a guy darker than me:?  If the guy spoke Spanish, shared the culture, or at least showed some effort - nobody would blink an eye.

Here is a short list of WHAT NOT TO DO if you are trying to date a nice Latina Gal:


2. I understand that you have maybe never dated outside of a typical American gal... but for goodness sake, I speak English well and I'm not going to start dancing around like Rita Moreno in West Side Story. 

3. If my parents are illegal - its none of your god damn business so DON'T ASK unless offered.

4. Yes, I probably know how to cook alot of good Latin American dishes - please don't invite yourself or assume I will be cooking you beans and rice - If you do... I'll probably flip you a cold cheeseburger on stale bread so you leave me alone.

5. Just because I'm beige doesn't mean I'm all "Viva La Raza!"... Surprisingly ... Dora the Explorer probably knows more Spanish and Culture than some hispanic girls do.

6. No, sex isn't better with me because I'm exotic - its because whoever you screwed before sucked and I have perfected my skills for personal development.

7. I might be  Catholic and I believe in Birth Control.. but then again ... I might just be an atheist - why don't you ask and not assume. 

8. If you F**** dare compare me to Jessica Alba, JLo, Salma Hayek, or America Ferrara, Adriana Lima, Eva Longoria, or Eva Mendes... you are done.

9. No - I'm not going to kill you in your sleep if you cheat on me, nor am I going to go to some witch doctor to do some hechiceras...It will be like magic to see how quickly your shit disappears from my house though.  

10. Don't pretend like you know about my culture .. etc... admit your naivete and you will be so much better for it. The best thing to do (unless you legit are into it) is to STFU and observe me and my family.  Chances are we will like you better .

So.. that's tonight's rant... until next time - damn this post sucks!


Bienvenidos! Hola! Orale! Welcome

Welcome to the rantings and ravings of a twenty-something Latina who just happens to have ADHD , enjoys the luxuries of working class life in urbania, and believes strongly that women (and men) need to stop using body size as an excuse not to live their for being a minority.... well I like it spicy and mixed.

At this blog, I rep the West Coast ::insert gang sign here:: while moonlighting as an East Coaster.
As you stumble around you will find a pretty wide variety of things: advice, anecdotes, recipes, and pretty much whatever spews forth from my multi-faceted life.
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