Time's A Wastin: A Dialogue on Un-fertilized Eggs in Your Late Twenties

Posted by Gordita In The City Thursday, October 20, 2011 0 comments

Soccer Mom: (looking at the ring on my left hand) How long have you been engaged for?
Me: I'm single
Soccer Mom: (looking at her kid, then me) That's why you're still single...maybe trim down a bit sweetie, Time's a wastin' -
Me: Well I figure having both a child and husband is kind of redundant.
Soccer Mom: Excuse me?
Me: I'm assuming those wrinkles don't come from your amazing sex life... (walking away)

Let me get this straight lady:

1. My single state can be fixed by adjusting my body size
2. My inherent reproductive value is waning due to age
3. Single is a state to be remedied immediately
4. It's socially acceptable to project your moral judgment on a person based,on an arbitrary choice of jewelry placement

My opinion on the matter is very simple.

1. Men leave and cheat on women as beautiful and thin as Halle Berry ALL the time... Fixing my body size might make me more "conventionally" attractive, but it won't guarantee me my choice in human pair bonding and mate selection.

2. Yep...women have a shelf-life and as I have argued with my gay male friends, the world is relatively unfair because unlike them, I become a genetic dead end after my menopausal expiration date. However...thanks to science, I can now cryogenically freeze my prime 20-something eggs for the right price and implant them into myself or a surrogate.

3. I'd rather wait for my soul mate than a cell mate. Even though I have not managed to find a boyfriend or other symbol of non-singleness. Unlike some girls that I have known who filter through an endless line of muck without a break, I probably have a better chance of finding a person I will last with for the long-term because I choose to not jump on every "speeding train" out of desperation.

4. It's called a ring finger for a reason...you wear rings on it! In my case, I purchased a fabulous sapphire / diamond art deco filigree ring from the 20's that wear on my left hand. Yes, that side is loaded with meaning. No, I'm not trying to show off...maybe it just fits better there!

I'm not even old, but the slew of baby imagery, nudges, and backhanded comments from more established members of society can take its toll. Like most women, I would LOVE to have a family...just like I would LOVE to own a Porsche, LOVE to have an affluent footing in the world, and LOVE to tour the great museums of Europe. Some aspirations are more realistic than others. In my case, some choices affect the others to the point where..shit happens.

How do I like my eggs in the morning? Preferably unfertilized since I would like to go to Europe, start my career, follow my dreams, and have a solid chance at finding a cool person to spend time with. I'm willing to make some sacrifices to make sure my life has quality to it.

The encounter brings up all sorts of ethical questions. Like what makes a family? If I don't meet a man by my early thirties...will I adopt or artificially inseminate? SHould I declare myself a rebel against the system, display altruism, and ameliorate overpopulation by subverting my selfish needs to pass on my prime DNA to potential offspring by adopting?

All I can say is....it's a big scary world out there...that's the problem with options...it brings up more questions and widens the net.

Under Construction....Everywhere!

Posted by Gordita In The City Friday, October 14, 2011 0 comments

I'm punching this out quickly as I blog from work. Actually to be specific, during nap time on my last day at my job as a Pre-school teacher as all the children emerge from their happy cocoons of sleep. I'm really sad and disappointed that I had to be laid-off. As a friend of mine pointed out, now doesn't look like a bright time to be a teacher, especially one that is trying to start out. I'm looking at each one of these kids, hushing them to sleep, wishing for my copy of "Go the F@@@@ to Sleep" to make it through the talking and breaks in my peace of mind. Each one of their young, short, and vibrant lives has taught me something. I'll detail that in another post because they are about to turn on the lights and break me out of my IPad reverie (I LOVE this thing!!!). I have tons on my mind between the future, Occupy Boston, thinking of Grad School, my upcoming trip to California the next few weeks, and my love life (hahaha nonexistent I know but that is a whole other musing)

I'm writing this to say that... Since my last blog post TONS of things in my life have changed, hence my neglect of this little personal project which I hope changes, evolves, and hopefully becomes more interesting as I advance towards that magic age that people like to call their thirties (I am officially a twenty-something now...ambiguous, but doesn't mention my true age).

Nonetheless, this blog is officially under re-construction, change, and hopefully innocent retooling.

Facebook and Religion?

Posted by Gordita In The City Monday, March 14, 2011 0 comments

I'm a lapsed Catholic. Somewhere along the line of 25 years I was baptized, taught some prayers, and forced to make the sign of the cross every time I passed a church. My mom had this interesting way of giving everything I did a "Catholic Feel" ... you know - candles, incense, saints, rosaries - maybe its a carryover from her days in a Catholic Boarding School. Technically, I should probably be excommunicated for taking the host without having an actual "1st Communion"... but that's between me and the big person/entity in charge up there.

So that brings me to this curious holiday period called "Lent". That magical time of year where everyone and their mother seems to be "giving up" something for the sake having their prayers answered. They sacrifice vice (that rhymed!) to somehow encounter grace from god. Well...I'm not sure if giving up my Facebook vice last year for Lent brought me any closer to god - but it did bring me closer to the hypocrisy which is social approbation. Ethically, I wonder if it was really necessary to use Lent as an excuse to give up Facebook for 40 days and nights. I'm going to guess that that - not it wasn't very necessary as much as it was "opportune". Really, how many out of my 500+ Facebook friends really would notice my absence on a regular day? The same question I ask is...how many of us really care that you are nobly choosing not to eat cupcakes for Lent? Does god or the collective human consciousness really care or register your sacrifice?

I could argue theology all day...but the bottom line is like all of religion...we do what makes us feel better. Deprivation makes humans feel like they have a purpose for some odd reason. As sentient and sapient homo sapiens, we crave that which is rare...so everyone loves cupcakes...shun Cupcakes and Facebook to be the shining paragon of virtue that glitters amongst a beach of mud and muck...

Hopeless Romanticism: Love is a Bitch...and then you want some more!

Posted by Gordita In The City Monday, March 7, 2011 0 comments

"Love does not mean surrendering, "losing yourself". It is a call to ripen.  Don't look for straight lines. Life is never like that." - Kama Sutra
Love is a bitch. It's hardly ever there when we need it, we chase after it like a bunch of junkies, and even when we get it, we spend half of our time not to lose it or keep it from changing. I've said it before, but people hate ambiguity. It's my honest opinion, that most people that claim to be in love really don't know what the hell they are talking about, or even have any conception of the hot mess they are about to get themselves stuck into. 
I'm a recovering hopeless romantic.  Yes...recovering..or at least re-branded. I prefer to say, "Hopelessly Hopeful," or maybe just live without the title on my preferences and stick to pragmatic idealist. I'm going to be harsh... because I had to be harsh on myself because it simply drove me nuts. Hopeless romanticism is a pandemic that is ruining marriages and relationships left and right!
Isn't it ironic.. .that hopeless romanticism leads to more breakups and broken hearts than anything else.  Think about it. The media feeds us this image of  "Happily Ever After NO MATTER WHAT"... couples defy the odds. If your true love is married to someone else... NO PROBLEM! You can break up the marriage and be together and it was all for a noble cause. 
Romeo and Juliet (killed themselves), Tristan and Isolde (did it before Romeo and Juliet), Madame Bovary (used, abused, suicide by arsenic), Antony and Cleopatra (suicide), The Little Mermaid, Anything Nicolas Sparks(They actually find their great love... and then die!)... my mind is going blank. 
What makes me laugh is how many guys that I have dated, liked, or hung out with that are hung up on some chick they used to date or some ideal.  It's usually the one that got away.  Usually, this girl is someone that evaded them due to their own assholey decisions or neglect. Better yet, it's the girl who doesn't want them.  She rejects his calls, won't give him the time of day, etc .. etc.. etc.  Not to just put the finger on guys, girls are equally pathetic in the way they will pine and care after a guy who doesn't really care if they live or die. 
Our generation has turned love and sex into this commodity that is meant to provide comfort, constant stimulation, and satisfaction to the point where I'm like... "It's a F**g Relationship... NOT DISNEYLAND!!"
At best, love in it's truest form is a transitional and temporary state.  It's living and it changes the way it is supposed to. For this reason, I highly recommend that people watch "The Science of Attraction" on the Discovery Channel... it basically debunks hopeless romanticism into a drug addicted-like state and sets the biological record straight that long-term love isn't about magic... its about goal setting.  This means that our ancestors had it right, it's old-fashioned determination and commitment. You commit yourself to making the old ball and chain the best ball and chain that ever existed and rule out all other possibility. How else did anyone get shit done? Modernism has turned love into a candy store of customizable options.  I can now go online, check a few boxes and find some guys that match my checklist and only worrying about the details if I dig the picture.  Before the advent of technology, I actually had to "Debut", parade around socially and run into someone I hoped I had chemistry with... and OMG!! Send a letter!
This all sounds very cynical - but I find it freeing. The reality is that the more you spend obsessing about old or unattainable love, the more you screw up your future possibilities.  You should stop frowning, because someone might actually fall for your smile. I think all great loves have their time. You will never get that time back again, and if the boat sailed... it's chances of returning to the same port are very narrow, it has to find space where it can and sometimes it's not always the right space. 
 But, I suppose that is what hopeless romanticism is all about, standing on that shore waiting for the boat to come in. Waiting on what ever glimmer/shred/instance of hope you have until some magic happens. 
When you are a hopeless romantic... you are simply an addict. Addicted to love.  So strung out, when you don't get your fix... you create new ways get it.  This might include things like the following:
1. Listening to really sad love songs ...especially if you aren't even sad about anything... you just listen to it because you're bored and you really want to feel something.
2. When you start dating someone, you compare them to your other "great loves"and get disappointed when it is not exact.. (you know.. because everyone is the same and it has to be perfect everytime).
3. You spend more time creating perfect scenarios of how you are going to execute romantic plans or elaborate ruses to gain your object's attention... rather than actually getting off your lazy ass and completing it once and for all. (this is what most people would call procrastination... which is a fear response).
4. You fantasize constantly about the future without really dealing with the present or paying attention to the signs that it takes two... not one just dreaming like a dope. 
5. Make any excuse you can to talk about it. ..
actually.. this list is making me sick writing it. I'm going to assume you all are not idiots .. and know what I'm talking about. 
The bottom line... Grow a backbone and do something about your life and your fantasies.  Dream... really I encourage it.. it's the beauty of life.  Just know the difference between healthy and hopeless.  Note that it is hope-LESS... you gain nothing... infact.. just less of whatever it was you had before - including dignity for the really extreme cases. 


Big girls and.... Stripper Poles?!?

Posted by Gordita In The City Sunday, March 6, 2011 0 comments

Last night I had the wonderful pleasure of going to a popular gay club in Boston called Machine... and I was delighted to find out that not only did they have gogo boxes ... but they had dancing poles!  Now, for a girl of not-so-tiny size... I'm pretty gutsy without the need of copious amounts of alcohol, drugs, or an exotic locale.  I am famous for incidents such as the Viva Las Vegas Banjo Bounce Dance and other bouts of fun. As usual... if you don't want to read my drivel... scroll down for 'Gordita in the City's Audacious Dancing To-Do List"

I really don't care how most people perceive it.  Yes, we can get into all the phallic implications of stripper poles and get into a heated debate about propriety - but that is not what this blog is about. We are going to be celebrating liberation I suppose? I guess I figure if I'm going to be so narcissistic to have you reading about  my life and worldview ... it better be nominally entertaining.  I consider last night to be a real Gordita In The City moment, celebrating the birthday of Central Square's most infamous Spanish Anarchist who shall remain nameless. We started off with beers at the Middle East and then off in a cab where I fell in love with a pair of puta red leather gloves that belonged to the girl that one of my best guy friend's is dating (okay... that's confusing!)

At Machine:

In terms of the Kinsey Level of gayness at Machine... I'll say a Kinsey 4, in comparison to Santa Monica Blvd (West Hollywood).   I mean... despite me celebrating my official 5 Year Singleversary, I didn't really care whether or not I would be picking up on guys or not.. it was about having fun (plus all the straight guys at the joint were in my group anyway).

When I found out that the stripper poles were open to use by ANYBODY as long as the go-go dancers weren't in need, I literally started awkwardly hopping up and down for joy.  In a very ADD-esque moment, I jumped on the box and immediately started testing the strength of the pole only to find out that ... IT SPINS!!!  Now... I'm already attracted to shiny fun things, but shiny fun things that spin... AND are on an elevated surface... I was flipping for joy... Until that moment washed over my POV.

Inside Gordita's Head at Moment of Discovering Free-for-all stripper pole:
 Ohh.... shiny! Okay... it holds me - check.  Spinny- spinny - try not to fall. Shit. There is a really skinny girl on the pole next to me - no biggie.  Wait. She's kind of cute.  Who cares, its a gay club - everyone is happy here.  What if I fall...OMG its going to be like Scarlet Takes a Tumble!!!     Noooooooo! Omg.. I'm gonna be that fat attention-whore at the club.. Mo, get a grip. This is fun, nobody cares. Fun. Fun. That's it - you enjoy this sort of stuff because you don't do it at home.  But what if I fall? STFU, get on the pole and show it whose boss.. But i'm Scared... FU GO GIRL!!

I held my breath and let myself spin on the pole to test it out and hoping I wasn't going to fall on my ass. Let me tell you, if you haven't tried one of these things... it is a lot of fun.  I see it as a big kid's merry-go-round.  When I get up there, it has nothing to do with me being sexy.. it's about what I like to call the "Weeeee Factor" also known as... innocent kid fun. It took a few moments to get into the swing of things... but I enjoyed it.

My mom always taught me that if you are going to do something, never do it half-ass.  After awhile, I asked the gogo dancer how to do a basic pole move and she taught me.  For a moment I thought, "I'm too heavy... no way I can do that on the pole," after I got over my own insecurity in the moment.. I shut up and actually tried and guess what? I did it! I slid my hands on the cold stainless steel, jumped, and clamped onto the pole by crossing my thighs tightly as the girl showed me.  I practiced a few times and then had the idea that it would be fun to try dancing on the pole with a scarf. I borrowed a scarf and used it as a prop and rope at the same time. Sooner than you would know it, my girls were joining me and even a gay guy from the dance floor joined my dance.  I hopped off of the box and went over the bar for a drink when I was stopped by a group of ridiculously attractive guys (no they were not straight).

Guy 1: I loved your dancing, you're not stopping are you? 
Guy 2: Omg, so much better than that twig right there - somebody needs to give Britney Spears over there a fucking hamburger.
Me: She's cute - maybe she's just -
Guy 1:  She looks disgusting, probably strung out on drugs wishing she moved like you. Where did you learn how to do that?
Me: I just hopped on the box cause it was fun?
Guy 3: I'd go straight for you if vagina didn't weird me out.
Guy 2: You should be a dancer here.

Needless to say, I walked away from them a bit stunned and flattered.  In my head, I saw this crazy chick who was just having fun.  These guys ... who don't even subscribe to my gender thought I was actually kind of hot. The encounter showed the disparity between my inner thoughts and public perception.  Yes, maybe the skinny go-go dancer that taught me the move looked more graceful than me and could probably do much better acrobatics.. but I could learn that.  Maybe there were people who didn't like the idea of me being on that box... but guess what? The world doesn't care enough to really have me monumentally matter to the point of the entire club stopping and saying "Bitch, get off the box!" I got back on the pole again, had more fun with the scarf.. kind of doing this peek a boo / using it as a support rope to do funny stuff.  At one point... I did fall on the corner of the box as if I fell onto a saddle and felt the equivalent of a guy getting kneed in the nuts because someone got in my way..( cough, cough, you know who you are). 

At the end of the night, I went home with my girl Kat and we tumbled into bed. After making a bagel and laughing about skipping the afterparty, I fell asleep on her couch reading a travel guide to Europe.  I guess I wanted to dream about going to Spain and all that Jazz. I woke up this morning with the WORST bruises on my thighs and arms. I guess if you are going to play hard, you pay the price.  I really understand why exotic dancers and burlesque dancers look smacked up. Its not from back-breaking sex... or pimps... but you try slamming your body weight against chairs or steel for a few hours and see how you look.

I mean - I had a blast. I've had nights where I went to Saddle Ranch in Studio City, CA  dancing on top of the bar with girls that had way cuter outfits and more fit bodies than me and guys actually would give me dollars because I was a good dancer. From the outside - it might look like I'm drunk and in need of some missing attention , most times, I just like dancing on bars and go-go boxes because there is more dancing space and it's much cooler than the sweaty dance floor.  So I guess, if other girls read this - and there should be a take-away message... its that "sexy" is that it is all about the three "g's" Glamour, Guts, and Grace.  It had nothing to do with size or even looks so much.  I might throw out the word "skinny" alot like it's an epithet, but this applies to ANY girl.  Even some of my tiny girlfriends have issues about their weight or looking a certain way. In a way, nights like last night give me hope that there is some love out there for everyone. Me being on that box was all about transcendence (yes.. I'm making that big of a deal with it... deal with that!).  For a few minutes, you surrender yourself to your own energy, the synergy of those around you, and wallow in awesomeness.

The truth is nobody is born fabulous, you grow into it with some confidence and gumption. I'm the last girl that you are going to see walking down the street with a midriff top, but guess what? I enjoy Belly Dancing, dancing Burlesque (yes.. all inclusive), and now pole dancing is on my list of sexy/cool things I want to learn. So are big girls and stripper poles a good mix... ABSOLUTELY! Not only do you have permission, I think there should be a movement of flesh on the dance floor.  Jiggles and everything because as I said to my friends at Emerson, "Ain't no mountain high enough, bitches!"

So because I like lists... I'm going to give you my Pole Dancing / Mo's Acts of Audacious random BS to do list.

Gordita in the City's Audacious Dancing To-Do List:

1.  Fall with grace:  Yes - you are going to fall especially if you are heavier and you don't have a good handle on moves. This is what me and my friends affectionately call "Mo's Roll /Bounce".  If you have to fall, try to fall into a cheerleader pose, thigh down to cushion the rest of your body, then ROLL or tumble to get yourself in a better position to be steady, and BOUNCE back up to disguise the fact that it wasn't on purpose.  Easier said than done - the point is if you land on the floor mid-sexy move, arch your back, give a sexy smile and come up slowly and gracefully as if saying, "I got this - I'm so fly I take it to the floor and get away with it"

2. Remember You are the girl that can get away with it:  I know this sounds weird and new agey.. but attitude is everything. The more nervous and unsure you act, the more people will look at you like you are crazy. Plaster a sexy mischievous smile on your face, some downward glances, a few well-timed laughs and you are golden. 

3. If you are going to that dance floor.. you have to employ the "Get-away Booty" move and use your ass to clear a nice enough space to achieve your dancing splendor.  The purpose of this is to say... "Guess what, I'm here and I'm getting crazy so watch or get hit".  You might get a few weird looks... but using your butt instead of your shoulders to clear space is a wiser overall move because it is non-invasive and not perceived as aggressive. More fights and irritated people are started because somebody was too dumb to think that pushing was actually polite.  Pick a spot, start moving your hips in an exaggerated way as if you don't notice other people and trust me... they will move. You can also use that move to pick up on cuties.

4. USE PROPS!!  I can't stress this enough... especially if you are self-conscious of  your looks. If its interesting, it is a conversation piece and a flirting tool. My personal favorite is a scarf/shawl.  You can use it to lasso people in, tie it on your waist to hide a bulge, use it to clear space, if you rip your jeans you can cover the hole, dance with it in a way that looks visually stunning and distracts from your body.. hats are also fun ... especially fedoras and the like where you can take them and put them on other people. Girls and guys LOVE hats... especially cool ones.

5. Don't do a back bend or arch unless you are absolutely sure you have the upper body strength to not fall back. Most of the time it looks tacky and slutty unless you are with a group of people you trust.  It is usually not the most flattering angle for your body anyway... and really only shows off that you may have potential sex skills.

6. If you are unsure of how to dance, follow the bass beat.  You are better off dancing slow than dancing like a jerky crazy white girl with no dance moves (yes... I used a stereotype).  At the end of the day, moving your hips and counting a 1-2 side step looks much better than trying to coordinate your upper body (the part most non-dancers have trouble with).

7. Don't be afraid of 90's dances like the Macarena or running-man. With the right attitude... tacky party dances are cool and will work in forming a circle and accolades.   If you notice, you can get away with ANYTHING as long as you set a tone that this is okay and you don't care. Notice I didn't say oblivious... pay attention to reactions .. but follow your instincts. You are doing what most people WISH they had the balls to do.  I bet you anything if you start doing this during an obviously nineties song... people will jump in because they are waiting for a social cue for it to be okay.  So.. be a trendsetter ...not stepper.

8. For gogo boxes, bars , and Poles: BEFORE you get fabulous shaking your ass, test the surface and the leg spacing. Girls fall off of shit because they don't pay attention to the surface.  Make sure its dry, all glasses are far away from you, and that you have reserved just enough space to maneuver side to side.  When you get up, make sure you ask management or the nearest bouncer... you don't want to be THAT girl. When you are dancing... be respectful, It's not a contest.  Take your time and get into a groove that works for you. Just because the girl next to you is pumping her booty out and clapping it doesn't mean that it will look good or even be right if you do it.  At the end of the day, you know what you are capable of ... on top of a bar with limited space is not the time to try new and crazy things. 

9. For god sakes - Unless you are doing ball room dancing or salsa... leave the dresses at home.  Even if they are long, dirty dancing in a dress is just wrong.  It sends the wrong message.  Wear leggings or jeans... I prefer leggings because of flexibility.  Dancing on a bar in a dress sends the wrong message, bending forward in a dress with a guy humping you from behind is better left to the bedroom.  It's common sense, but you don't want to be limited by your clothing.  Think about this... a club is so crowded... when do you ever see anyone's feet?  Wear sensible heels 2-3 inches at the most if you are planning on dancing.  You don't look cute taking your shoes off or bouncing side to side because your feet hurt.

10.  To stay on Poles and guys that pick you up - The key to staying on a pole or a guy is to clamp your thighs and keep the space small and tight.  Do squats if you need to, but its not in your arms (that's your weakest part).  You will have to use your upper thighs, not the part near your knees. If you have ever been on a mechanical bull, you should know the feeling.  If you feel off balance, adjust your hips, NOT your chest.  If you must and you can reach, clamp your ankles. If you feel yourself sliding past the point of no return.  Cheat your strongest leg down and curl your abdomen to keep your center of gravity. .. If you are on a guy, you can even make that move fun.

Anyway, that's my rant... keep it sexy - and classy ladies.

Dating ....."Outside of the Taco"

Posted by Gordita In The City Wednesday, February 2, 2011 0 comments

Well, well... well - I promised a relationship post to someone so here it is .. Enjoy :)

I guess I'm technically back on the dating wagon. After all, it took Edison half a million failures to finally invent the light bulb.  I guess it means I get to make it through a few dozen duds to land a stud (ok...seriously bad pun ...blame the lack of sleep). I can't say I'm really looking for a relationship since I'm moving back to California sometime in the next year and I don't do too well with being very serious.

It's no huge secret that I'm a huge fan of online dating, yes I said it - I'm a fan dammit.  The way I see it, I'm so busy with school and life that sometimes I find logging into a computer much easier than mustering the energy and budget to stumble into a bar. However, with online dating comes an entirely different breed of male I'm not used to ... ethnically diverse and possibly emotionally available.  One can assume that if a guy is on a dating website and took the time to write an eloquent profile... he probably wants something kind of substantial.

The funny part is that I have mostly dated Hispanic guys or some form of half-breed bastardization of it.  Sure I have probably gone on a ton of one-time dates with white boys - but nothing really serious. I mean one could say S and B were technically white (they are my half and halfers) since they weren't very in tune with their heritage - but they were certainly embracing and welcoming of it since they are from LA. I have parents that would STRONGLY PREFER that I stay within my culture (or go white) and in a way that can sort of blow. Not that my family wouldn't acclimate themselves to whoever I bring home - but the idea of kids with curlier hair than mine kind of freaks out my mom and dad - and they can blame that on their parents.

I mean think of marriage (yes its a leap ... but think about the fact that I intend on hyphenating my name. This could be a mess that looks like the following:

Monique Alvarado-Johnson
Monique Alvarado-Ying
Monique Alvarado-Rangarajan
Monique Alvarado-Kostantinopoulos
Monique Alvarado-Asminov
Monique Alvarado-Al'Jaladin
Monique Alvarado-Sweitzer
Monique Alvarado-Ngobowegango e. I

 or simply... Monique Alvarado-Garcia

Personally, I'm open to all cultures and creeds... but its kind of scary to "date outside the taco" (or empanada). Culture is a huge part of my life and if I ever have kids... its going to be a huger part.  I mean, it rubs me the wrong way when I hear some guys say  - "Damn... what a nice mix you have".. like I'm some sort of exotic designer dog.  I want to be treated like a normal human being, but I feel with interracial / intercultural dating - there is always a level of fetishism and exoticism that takes placemean, how do you keep it from being awkward? At the very least, a valuable aspect I look for in a male is CULTURAL SENSITIVITY! I mean, I get it if the dude can't stomach chile, never spoke Spanish in his life, and has crappy dancing skills - that isn't what matters.  In the area of intercultural dating, cultural sensitivity is a must. 

On my end, I'm lucky that I'm a huge culture-ho since its an interest area of mine. In another life I must have been an anthropologist. If I were to date a Jewish guy - he wouldn't need to explain shabbats, high holidays, or kosher guidelines - I know them and could make a pretty mean matzoh ball soup; If it was an Asian guy...I have Chinese New Year traditions memorized and  hell I grew up in Alhambra, CA... enough said!; I like enough bluegrass and Americana to get me through to All-American country boys, I'm fascinated with Middle Eastern religion and traditions... I could seriously date the world (okay... that was pretty cocky of me to say). I would never subscribe to any idea of  "improving the race" or keeping it close ... just not in the family - but it does have a set of issues attached to it like all relationships do. I guess I know the problem wouldn't be me. Any guy who seriously wants to date me would have to be comfortable with some of the cultural values I hold and on top of that... at least ATTEMPT to interact. I have this funny vision of what I would like my life to be like. 

Sometime in 20??... in the future

Weekly family/friend gatherings that revolve around playing poker, loteria, watching sports games, making large amounts of Mexican/Cuban/Puerto Rican food while consuming obscene amounts of alcohol and good music. Traveling to said countries of origin and Spain.  I'm probably going to be that girl that blasts gangster rap, salsa, or Mexican corridos while cleaning the house and dancing. I enjoy loud company, Rum and good Tequila... I'm going to learn how to dance flamenco properly... and if I have kids... cultural activities will be a biggie and I will speak to them in Spanish so they can be bi-lingual. 

I know its kind of loaded... and maybe shallow - but that's a lifestyle choice that someone would have to fit into. I have a big extended family that means the world to me and are not going anywhere anytime soon.Sure they would be dating me.. but also partly my "family" since they are a huge part of my life.  I have complete faith that it can and does work. For instance, my best friend Yosemite Sara  is dating a wonderful guy who is Belizean.  Sure he's a bit dorky and you can't expect him to speak a lick of Spanish - but he is very supportive and very willing to be a part of whatever she throws at him.

Obviously this isn't a solely Latino dilemma.  Sometimes its culture, other times its religion.  Either way this xenophobia is enough to keep many people from accepting anything outside of their comfort zone.  So - I have 3 guys in my in box that are racially mixed or black.  I'm going to totally message them back and secretly pray that one of them is at least Dominican or Puerto Rican.  See, that's the funny thing about Hispanics - we come in all colors and races. I'm hoping for that - because I would dig the cultural connection. I mean, so what if my family would be shocked if I brought home a guy darker than me:?  If the guy spoke Spanish, shared the culture, or at least showed some effort - nobody would blink an eye.

Here is a short list of WHAT NOT TO DO if you are trying to date a nice Latina Gal:


2. I understand that you have maybe never dated outside of a typical American gal... but for goodness sake, I speak English well and I'm not going to start dancing around like Rita Moreno in West Side Story. 

3. If my parents are illegal - its none of your god damn business so DON'T ASK unless offered.

4. Yes, I probably know how to cook alot of good Latin American dishes - please don't invite yourself or assume I will be cooking you beans and rice - If you do... I'll probably flip you a cold cheeseburger on stale bread so you leave me alone.

5. Just because I'm beige doesn't mean I'm all "Viva La Raza!"... Surprisingly ... Dora the Explorer probably knows more Spanish and Culture than some hispanic girls do.

6. No, sex isn't better with me because I'm exotic - its because whoever you screwed before sucked and I have perfected my skills for personal development.

7. I might be  Catholic and I believe in Birth Control.. but then again ... I might just be an atheist - why don't you ask and not assume. 

8. If you F**** dare compare me to Jessica Alba, JLo, Salma Hayek, or America Ferrara, Adriana Lima, Eva Longoria, or Eva Mendes... you are done.

9. No - I'm not going to kill you in your sleep if you cheat on me, nor am I going to go to some witch doctor to do some hechiceras...It will be like magic to see how quickly your shit disappears from my house though.  

10. Don't pretend like you know about my culture .. etc... admit your naivete and you will be so much better for it. The best thing to do (unless you legit are into it) is to STFU and observe me and my family.  Chances are we will like you better .

So.. that's tonight's rant... until next time - damn this post sucks!


This is a baby post so I'll keep it brief.  It's a new year and a new semester! Most importantly.. MY LAST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE! (at least until I decide to get my Master's Degree)

I'm so thrilled... Anyways.. just came back from California last week, got a whole bucket of drama that I'm processing from that (what else is new from Hollywood).. but the most important thing is that I'm back on the horse and working on re-dedicating to some of my goals.  I got some fresh ideas for this blog, even if it doesn't really go anywhere - I don't really care - I'm more concerned with the following goals this year: Balance, authenticity to myself, and emancipation from the past.

I'm excited to be letting go of a lot of old baggage.  Of course, I digress - It is never f**g easy - but I started by doing some of these things already.

1. Deleted every single ex-guy (except the 3 that are my close friends ) and dead end friend off of my phone and Outlook.

2. Starting to dump old emails in a mass exodus...yes... even the sentimental ones from people. (3,583 more to go)

3. Deleting old pictures from past relationships... time to clear the house on those - I seriously doubt I'm ever going to have use for old kissy face pix lol 

4. Taking an inventory of personal debts and working out a plan to pay them off when I'm flush again... really I had a plan for this back in November.. but then some stuff happened with work  - but that's another blog.

Basically my idea is this... I don't want to owe anything to noone! Not a penny, not a cent, not a memory, not a favor - nothing.  I really just want to be free from the past, I don't want to feel like anyone has anything to hold over my head or vice-versa.

Old angers, old upsets...heartbreaks - I'm just forgiving them in my balance book, accepting them as losses, with no intention on looking back unless I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO - of course in some cases this is easier said than done... but I'm tired of carrying the load, I have my own life and drama.

But these are all good happy things, I guess it comes with age and growing maturity, after awhile - Its okay to be selfish.  So.. Off to school to feed my short attention span with more knowledge =)

Bienvenidos! Hola! Orale! Welcome

Welcome to the rantings and ravings of a twenty-something Latina who just happens to have ADHD , enjoys the luxuries of working class life in urbania, and believes strongly that women (and men) need to stop using body size as an excuse not to live their lives...as for being a minority.... well I like it spicy and mixed.

At this blog, I rep the West Coast ::insert gang sign here:: while moonlighting as an East Coaster.
As you stumble around you will find a pretty wide variety of things: advice, anecdotes, recipes, and pretty much whatever spews forth from my multi-faceted life.
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