Hopeless Romanticism: Love is a Bitch...and then you want some more!

Posted by Gordita In The City Monday, March 7, 2011

"Love does not mean surrendering, "losing yourself". It is a call to ripen.  Don't look for straight lines. Life is never like that." - Kama Sutra
Love is a bitch. It's hardly ever there when we need it, we chase after it like a bunch of junkies, and even when we get it, we spend half of our time not to lose it or keep it from changing. I've said it before, but people hate ambiguity. It's my honest opinion, that most people that claim to be in love really don't know what the hell they are talking about, or even have any conception of the hot mess they are about to get themselves stuck into. 
I'm a recovering hopeless romantic.  Yes...recovering..or at least re-branded. I prefer to say, "Hopelessly Hopeful," or maybe just live without the title on my preferences and stick to pragmatic idealist. I'm going to be harsh... because I had to be harsh on myself because it simply drove me nuts. Hopeless romanticism is a pandemic that is ruining marriages and relationships left and right!
Isn't it ironic.. .that hopeless romanticism leads to more breakups and broken hearts than anything else.  Think about it. The media feeds us this image of  "Happily Ever After NO MATTER WHAT"... couples defy the odds. If your true love is married to someone else... NO PROBLEM! You can break up the marriage and be together and it was all for a noble cause. 
Romeo and Juliet (killed themselves), Tristan and Isolde (did it before Romeo and Juliet), Madame Bovary (used, abused, suicide by arsenic), Antony and Cleopatra (suicide), The Little Mermaid, Anything Nicolas Sparks(They actually find their great love... and then die!)... my mind is going blank. 
What makes me laugh is how many guys that I have dated, liked, or hung out with that are hung up on some chick they used to date or some ideal.  It's usually the one that got away.  Usually, this girl is someone that evaded them due to their own assholey decisions or neglect. Better yet, it's the girl who doesn't want them.  She rejects his calls, won't give him the time of day, etc .. etc.. etc.  Not to just put the finger on guys, girls are equally pathetic in the way they will pine and care after a guy who doesn't really care if they live or die. 
Our generation has turned love and sex into this commodity that is meant to provide comfort, constant stimulation, and satisfaction to the point where I'm like... "It's a F**g Relationship... NOT DISNEYLAND!!"
At best, love in it's truest form is a transitional and temporary state.  It's living and it changes the way it is supposed to. For this reason, I highly recommend that people watch "The Science of Attraction" on the Discovery Channel... it basically debunks hopeless romanticism into a drug addicted-like state and sets the biological record straight that long-term love isn't about magic... its about goal setting.  This means that our ancestors had it right, it's old-fashioned determination and commitment. You commit yourself to making the old ball and chain the best ball and chain that ever existed and rule out all other possibility. How else did anyone get shit done? Modernism has turned love into a candy store of customizable options.  I can now go online, check a few boxes and find some guys that match my checklist and only worrying about the details if I dig the picture.  Before the advent of technology, I actually had to "Debut", parade around socially and run into someone I hoped I had chemistry with... and OMG!! Send a letter!
This all sounds very cynical - but I find it freeing. The reality is that the more you spend obsessing about old or unattainable love, the more you screw up your future possibilities.  You should stop frowning, because someone might actually fall for your smile. I think all great loves have their time. You will never get that time back again, and if the boat sailed... it's chances of returning to the same port are very narrow, it has to find space where it can and sometimes it's not always the right space. 
 But, I suppose that is what hopeless romanticism is all about, standing on that shore waiting for the boat to come in. Waiting on what ever glimmer/shred/instance of hope you have until some magic happens. 
When you are a hopeless romantic... you are simply an addict. Addicted to love.  So strung out, when you don't get your fix... you create new ways get it.  This might include things like the following:
1. Listening to really sad love songs ...especially if you aren't even sad about anything... you just listen to it because you're bored and you really want to feel something.
2. When you start dating someone, you compare them to your other "great loves"and get disappointed when it is not exact.. (you know.. because everyone is the same and it has to be perfect everytime).
3. You spend more time creating perfect scenarios of how you are going to execute romantic plans or elaborate ruses to gain your object's attention... rather than actually getting off your lazy ass and completing it once and for all. (this is what most people would call procrastination... which is a fear response).
4. You fantasize constantly about the future without really dealing with the present or paying attention to the signs that it takes two... not one just dreaming like a dope. 
5. Make any excuse you can to talk about it. ..
actually.. this list is making me sick writing it. I'm going to assume you all are not idiots .. and know what I'm talking about. 
The bottom line... Grow a backbone and do something about your life and your fantasies.  Dream... really I encourage it.. it's the beauty of life.  Just know the difference between healthy and hopeless.  Note that it is hope-LESS... you gain nothing... infact.. just less of whatever it was you had before - including dignity for the really extreme cases. 

 

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Welcome to the rantings and ravings of a twenty-something Latina who just happens to have ADHD , enjoys the luxuries of working class life in urbania, and believes strongly that women (and men) need to stop using body size as an excuse not to live their lives...as for being a minority.... well I like it spicy and mixed.

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