Gordita In The City

**Long.. but if you scroll past all the narrative there is some minor advice / tips that I've found helpful and is geared towards extreme beginners like myself. **

Midterms are next week, I have 2 - 7 page essays due, a 10 page story, and reading Huckleberry Finn, Madame Bovary, Notes from The Underground, and a few others to finish by Tuesday.  ADHD procrastination and panic is sinking in... so I took Dr. Hallowell's (the genius writer of Delivered from Distraction) advice to utilize exercise as a stress reliever. 

Imagine...Its Thursday, October 14th, 10PM ... a dark rainy night in Cambridge, MA

You plug in your iPod, strap in your sneakers, bump your music and you release.  Feet pounding on the pavement. The treads of your nice expensive, newly white sneakers mingle with the gritty texture of the jogging trail, making beats that David Guetta would envy. You are in the zone. Breath, breath, breathe, keep the pace, pump it up, slow it down. Man's best friend wags his tail, panting and looking up at you, wondering what kind of crazy person you are. Nothing matters.  

You are in the zone - then... WHACK!!  Your ankle bends to the side.  Next thing you know, you have rolled and subsequently careened into a group of kind of cute (and definitely unsuspecting) college guys. As you awkwardly get up.  Your cute dog decides that exact time is the ABSOLUTE PERFECT and necessary moment to take a poop as you apologize to the ever adorable (Nick) profusely for the intrusion. (No bone for you Azure!)

My best guy friend was right to laugh and regard me as absolutely clumsy when he caught me running awkwardly with my dog this summer in Cali. Its true, I'm a fish out of water when it comes to running. If you stick me in the water, I would put flipper to shame when it comes to swimming. On land - I have the grace of newly born Bambi.    


Flashback:
Running is not fun, especially when you have two busted up knees, weak ankles, and extra adipose tissue that jiggles and moves at will.  There is a special breed of person who has found it to be some strange form of Zen,  maybe running is a wonderful release, for me its a clumsy, beautiful nightmare. Since 1995, I have been doing every thing I can to avoid running.  Every PE class I had since Baldwin Elementary to San Gabriel High School, I have avoided it at all costs. I gave high school athletics a try at one point, eventually nature had different plans when I was diagnosed with an arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat... the kind of stuff that kills perfectly healthy athletes like this texas football player) after fainting and praying to the porcelain gods at practices and meets.  I was warned to not engage in strenuous cardiac activity, especially when I got chest pains.  At, that point - I was a sprightly 14 years old and 140 pounds. 

Back to the future / present: 

Unfortunately, as much as I would like to bask in my jiggly-ness and have everyone leave me alone - I happen to be an adrenaline junkie. I like to do things like wander into strange woods and jump off of extremely high cliffs, and I would love to do things like actual mountain biking, rock climbing, and outback trail hiking just because I love nature and its grittily amazing. Its not that my weight will stop me, but my endurance and physical fitness has a current limit. So, as I took up kickboxing, the shadowboxing and bags were good until we got to conditioning...

If you ever try actual MMA-style Muay Thai... not that bitch shit you get in your average Bally's or YMCA, you will find that most people.. while they can lift weights on machines and jog on a treadmill for an hour (I can do this on an elliptical trainer)... most people can barely handle their own body weight as form of resistance.  At SGHS, we had a PE teacher who was ripped, his sister (another trainer) came in... and even though she was tiny... she kicked his ass in calisthenics.  The best and hardest workouts I have had have come from manipulating and maneuvering my own body weight and being able to master that and have a good hold on that makes sense. If I'm going to be running up mountains and climbing over rocks, I have to be aware of my body and be able to use it (afterall... its not like being able to lift a 150 barbell is going to matter if I need to hoist my fat ass up a branch.. the weight is distributed differently).

So... regardless of my arrhythmia, screwed up joints, and natural resistance to exercise - I decided to stop making excuses and find a way to make up for my deficits.  I'm able to say.. I'll do this... even if it kills me (I've been technically dead once already...if I have Venus' genes... I have at least 7 more lives left).


So... You want to run? And you don't know where to get started? 

Well... instead of hearing an expert who can run a full 10k without breaking a sweat - maybe hearing it from someone who is going through the laborious pain and effort themselves might be a bit inspiring, in turn... maybe this will encourage me to try harder.. knowing that others can see the effort and might even ripple off changes of their own.  I know, this weird experiment of mine would be possible without being inspired by my guy friend who took a leap of faith... and actually accomplished and succeeded in what he set out to do. (Thank you for being oddly wonderful and sparking my fighter spirit)

1. Women: Its hard to start running if you are part of the big tittie committee.  So, I'm going to introduce you to your new best friend
This company based in SF, California specializes in sports gear for women. They have an EXCELLENT selection of sports bra's based on a barbell system for strength.: http://www.titlenine.com

 My personal favorite is the "Frog Bra"    Made out of a whopping 36%  Spandex... its the first and ONLY sports bra I have used that keeps it in and keeps it together.  I can run at a full pace in this thing with minimal bouncing. The largest boob size this thing can handle effectively is about a size 40 DD.  I usually layer another spandex/tight workout tank top that has a built in shelf bra for extra support.  Its strong enough to make me look flat chested (if you know me you might have seen this thing) .  Its not pretty and it mashes.. but it works.  If your name is Yosemite Sara, I would suggest the Enell "Last Resort Bra" which is better for those above a DDD.

2.  Bottoms:  For women... especially with thicker thighs. DO NOT RUN IN SHORTS (chafing hurts)! I know you might be self conscious of your rolls and not appreciative... but look.. if you are running, wearing baggy sweats is not the most comfortable or flattering thing to wear.  I've tried running in baggy sweats and most of the time (due to all the flapping about) I find myself fussing with the waistband, trying to keep my pants from falling down, rather than concentrating on my run or pace.  At the end of the day, it is personal preference, but try running in a pair of thick leggings. Not those yoga pants that are tight on the thigh but loose at the bottom, leggings... I find that they reduce friction and I feel lighter, plus, it is tight enough where I am not fussing with where anything is moving or stringy waist bands.

3. Shoes:  I cannot stress this enough. I know its tempting to just go to your local famous footwear or cheaper store and get a pair of whatever running shoes. Don't.  In my case, since I am heavier and have been injured, I have a low arch and I over-pronate.  Might sound like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo - but because I was running in crappy shoes (that weren't laced properly) I fell to my side and threw out my knee for a month.

Google a store in your area that specializes in running, take the time, spend the money (think of it as a 1-2 year investment on your health and possible embarrassment), and get fitted properly.  Nike IS NOT the end all and be all of running shoes.  Those cross trainers you wear are fine for aerobics but are pretty crappy for walking/running. I got a pair of the pictured Asics Gel Revolution 5's ... they have extra support on the instep for pronation and come in narrow AND wide widths.  I paid about $120 dollars and it was pretty weird the 1st few times since my feet weren't used to being supported properly... but I haven't fallen since and I can move much better.

3. Motivation and tracking: Make things easier on yourself.  My iPod is my life and they have made working out very friendly. Personally, I'm really frigging lazy.  Half the times I didn't work out or run was because I felt it was too tedious to keep track of time, distance, pace, etc etc.  Luckily... technology has changed that.

I have an iPod touch (***this also works with the iPhone 3g and 4) and I use the Nike Plus Sensor 

It's amazing... accurate... (much more than a pedometer) and has helped (so far) to keep me motivated. I'm a techie geek sure... but if it takes the guess work out of something that I already find laborious and complicated... might as well make it fun. In another blog I can extol on all the fun I am having with technology... but for no more than $30 its like having a coach right there with you. It warns you of things like half way points...3/4... keeps track of your fastest mile, 5k... etc... etc.

If you have an Android phone, download Worksmart's "cardio trainer"

It is free in the Android market and also the App Store for iPods & iPhones. My friend has been using this and he has had alot of success with it.  

5. A program: This is tricky... at this moment... in tandem with my Kickboxing classes I downloaded an app onto my iPod called "Couch to 5K" . So far I LOVE it. Its a pretty approachable 9 week program that you can integrate with the Nike Sensor... or purely on its own. There is a number of people who are staunch beginners and swear by it.  It is structured in 3 day a week, 30 minute runs.  You start off doing interval training (1st week is 90 seconds walking, 60 seconds running) and the app tells you when to run, when to walk, all while you are able to listen to your music etc. So far... its doing me good and is providing me a pretty simple structure that really isn't that intimidating. The goal is to be able to run a 3.1 mile in under 30 minutes at the end of the 9 weeks.

5. Pain and embarrassment:  Oh...yeah - You are going to hurt, you aren't going to want anybody seeing you jiggle or sweaty, and certainly looking ugly in your practical gear.  GET OVER IT! It might sound harsh... but the world beyond your friends and acquaintances doesn't really care enough about you to pay more than a few minutes attention to you. I careened into a group of guys... beyond the moment of contact and a laugh... they were onto the next thing and I walked off my limp. Nobody is really going to be looking at you for your whole work out saying... GOSH LOOK AT HOW FAT or GOSH look at how unfashionable that person looks... get in, get out, do your thing.

Joint Pain: Take 3 Ibuprofens an hour BEFORE you work out to help guard against inflammation. Drink tons of water and if you must, take glucosamine and chondroitin supplements... it works.

Weak ankles or shot knees:  Use a flexible brace with an open patella or a simple band that has a patella support.. most knee pain comes from this region due to inflammation of the tendon. Stretching will help... but the key is to prevent unnecessary movement of the joint.  For the ankle, a simple Rite-Aid wrap will do the trick.. Not pretty... but it will save you on your insurance.

Fatigue: Eat  a small amount of lean protein... not carbs... before you work out.  Especially if you are doing anaerobic exercise like interval training.  The carbs will burn off like crazy and you will be ravenous after... have a few nuts and some water handy for afterward. 



5. Encouragement: Its hard.  It sucks, you are going to hurt, your feet will hate you, your dog will try to trip you, people will make fun of you at times, but... its alright.  The key isn't to look at yourself as the next tri-athlete, its to get through the day and your workout. If you need to feel sorry for yourself for being an out of shape loser... feel it... acknowledge the pain... then just let it go.

Sure , visualizing yourself two months later thinner, more fit, etc at the end might motivate you, but it will also make you impatient, maybe even frustrated if you aren't seeing quick results.  Take solace in the small victories.  Today I was able to do every interval without stopping or catching a breath... its barely week one... but the fact that I stuck through that one little thing even though I wanted to stop made a big difference.

I'm going to get off my soapbox now.  I hope this is remotely helpful. At least for me, writing about it keeps me accountable and feeling somewhat useful.  If its any consolation...Azure is out of shape too, he barely keeps up with me, he has a weight loss goal of 1 pound according to his Vet.

Nite nite =)

Mo